A word that someone (a teacher I think) once used to describe me when I was quite young. The word ‘anachronism’ is defined as ” a chronological inconsistency in some arrangement, especially a juxtaposition of person(s), events, objects, or customs from different periods of time.” When applied to a person, in essence someone who is ‘out of time’.
I still feel this way all these years later. Out of step and jarring with the world I live in, though I find ways to abide and get on. Whilst I am always able to keep up with new ideas, concepts, trends, technologies etc, I have always felt at my core that I don’t quite fit in or keep up. Of course, I am not unique at all, so many of us don’t.
I have sought others like me, and there have been times in my life I felt I found them, though generally they always seem to be far flung and in distant lands, so we pass as they say ‘like ships in the night’. So, as a result of my ‘old ballness’, and a tendency in the past to be somewhat transient, I have gathered few friends around me since leaving my home town, oh so many years ago.
Anyway, I read an article today that Mindy Kaling was seeking a BFF (best friend forever), which I think a rather odd desire from one who is in full adulthood, but perhaps she is not unusual, perhaps there are those who seek a best friend their whole lives. Some people are blessed in that they find their one true friend early on in life, and I appreciate and respect that when I come across it.
Do I envy them? Well no, not really. It would be nice of course to find that ‘one’ person (other than one’s husband) who understands you, shares your loves and hates and counts as a ‘best friend’, but it is not something I have ever really looked for. In fact, I don’t need (and this may sound ego driven, it really isn’t) to be liked, I don’t crave external validation, I don’t feel the need to be in a group, or be part of a ‘gang’. I am by nature quite friendly, gregarious and social, but am quite happy to be alone. Make no mistake, I do have close friends (should they be reading this, don’t take umbrage please!!!) But, one should never mistake the wish to be alone, as loneliness. I suppose at the end of the day, I am my own best friend.